Your Daily Dose of Ainsley

Sorry- have to brag. I get to spend most of my time with this sweet little girl- how lucky am I?

Went to the fair yesterday- I can still smell all the fried goodness in the air. One look at the offerings and it is easy to see why there is an obesity epidemic! Yes I will take that stick of butter, fried, how delicious! ;-) I think this was probably by far the cheapest family trip to the fair we will ever have--- in the future some little lady will want to actually play all those games and ride those rides.

Side confession- I have become an MTV trash tv addict--- the dvr is overflowing with Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, Made, etc. etc. I just finished watching Priciest Cribs countdown. Maybe I should start turning down the couch potato time and actually make an effort to clean the house? Nah, it can clean itself! Perhaps I will tie some dusters to the dogs' tails.

Moms on the Run

It has been a long time since I've written, my apologies. I think I have been so slack lately because I feel like i have to write something enlightening and insightful every time, but then I came across a new blog of someone's this week and realized it can be one sentence- one thought- one picture etc. So I am going to attack this with a renewed vigor (or so I hope).
First- to spare everyone a multitude of posts- I am going to just spill all my random thoughts here. Sorry if it doesn't exactly "flow!"

Moms on the Run---- I think it is safe to say that I am officially now a member of a running group. :) Thanks to Courtney Murphy. What started as she and I trudging it alone on the streets at o'dark thirty has become a posse of 5. It is SO much fun. And it makes it so much easier to haul myself out of bed at 5am knowing that there are 4 other ladies doing it too. We are currently down one runner due to an extremely unfortunate injury, and we all miss her tremendously, but we know that she will be back out as soon as possible, and being the speed demon, super fit member of the group, we are all sure that she will be kicking our butts her first day back.
I have privately dubbed us, Moms on the Run, I am sure that is news to everyone else! Perhaps we should make t-shirts! Regardless, I am grateful to Courtney, Evan, Fran and Leslie for being my support group as I train for Nike. I am sure my training would have been half as effective without them. Two weeks to go, and then I get to run with Palmer through the streets of San Fran.......and everytime I start to drag, I hope that between Palmer's running beside me and her encouragement, and thinking about the gals, and that I don't want to let them down after their joining me in my long run this weekend...... that I will hopefully keep going!
It is amazing how much quicker 8-10 miles goes with so many other people joining you. Sadly, I am probably the least fit of the group and can usually only contribute an occasional grunt of agreement as a response to their questions, but I do enjoy listening to what everyone has to say! I am sure that the other ladies think I am either incredibly unsocial or partially mute! One day, I promise I will have the lung power to contribute to the conversation the whole way!
We are all planning on running a half together in the near future, so I am sure the group will make some recurrences in the blog.

BABY TALK
Lately Ainsley has been a babbling queen. Have you (whoever "you" may be) ever just sat there and listened to a baby talk? When she goes down for her naps, she sometimes doesnt fall asleep for a bit, and will lay there in her crib contentedly talking. She will also pick up her blankie and start waving it around her crib. I like to call it the Ainsley comedy hour- it is so entertaining to witness that little voice develop and try out different sounds.


MOMMY-the HUMAN JUNGLE GYM
Ainsley is spending all her time now "crawling" and trying to pull up. I say "crawling" because it is really an army crawl- all elbows, belly on the ground, and butt in the air. She is content to get her knees under her, but has no interest right now in getting up on her hands. Regardless, this is a very effective method of movement for her- she manages to move quite swiftly now around the first floor of the house. When she isn't entertaining herself in this fashion, she is crawling to me, then trying every which way to use my body to get herself to standing. Once she is upright, she wants to "walk" to the nearest coffee table or ottoman to stand. We literally do this the entire day long!!!! I think by 8pm I am as tired as she is from it all!

Fish Face

Believe it or not, Ainsley is now 7 1/2 months old. WOW!!!! She is becoming quite the performer. It seems, as my mom put it this weekend, that she is now trying out different tricks and jokes to see which ones get the biggest response out of us--- quite the cheese!
Her latest feat is the Fish Face. The child is obsessed with it. She will continuously, throughout the day, pucker up her lips, suck in her cheeks, and make the smacking sound of a kiss. I hear her practicing and perfecting her art in her crib during the night and when she wakes up from her nap. It certainly makes for a good laugh when she does it, and her little eyes twinkle with delight.
I guess this is a sign of things to come-- looks like we have quite the comedian on our hands. Or at least a little diva- because she loves the attention.

So muah, muah, muah little lady!! Oodles of kisses and hugs to you!

How Rude!

I came across this article a few weeks ago, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/23/sports/23marathon.html, and it really ticked me off. For those of you who choose not to read it, which I recommend against unless you too want to be annoyed for the day, it is an article about the snobbish attitude some marathoners are taking about marathons and "slow people". While I do not fall quite into the category of slowness that they refer to in the article, I know I am certainly nowhere near an elite runner either. The article covers both sides of the argument- that it is good to have slow runners and that it is bad...the bad side suggesting that these slow runners are defaming marathons, and that perhaps it would be best to have more exclusive races.
Well I agree with the opposers on this idea. In a world where obesity is becoming more and more prominent, why would anyone want to discourage someone from taking up running and perhaps establishing a goal for themselves of completing a full or half marathon? No matter what speed you accomplish this at, there are still months of training, discipline and hard work involved....and better yet such a tremendous joy and feeling of fulfillment once you have completed it. I thought it was good to promote healthy lifestyles.............
Perhaps the two parts of the article that aggravated me the most were the following, one a quote from a coach Adrienne Wald who said "It’s a joke to run a marathon by walking every other mile or by finishing in six, seven, eight hours" and a part from a Julia Givens who says "If you’re wearing a marathon T-shirt, that doesn’t mean much anymore...I always ask those people, ‘What was your time?’ If it’s six hours or more, I say, ‘Oh great, that’s fine, but you didn’t really run it."
Well EXCUSE me, who named them the marathon police?? If someone said either of those things to me I would smack them across the face. Admittedly yes, when I have run (and yes I did say run although there were walk breaks involved) my previous marathons, all of which have fallen between the 5 and 6 hour marks, I know that I was not moving at a record-breaking speed, but let me tell you, I was working HARD and was good and exhausted when I was finished. And for each of those races, in order to fall into those times, I still ran over 75% of the race. I, personally, still think that is an accomplishment.
Perhaps these people are extremely cold-hearted. I know that when I have not been able to run a marathon, but have sat and watched the racers past- those racers coming in at the 6+ hour mark are still as thrilled and excited about their efforts as the runners coming in at 2 hours. Not only that, but a lot of times if these snots would take a moment and learn about the people in the back of the pack, they would learn that a lot of these people are racing for causes even more important than themselves. Many of the slower folks are first time marathoners who have raised money, in exchange for training, for important foundations such as the Leukemia and Lymphoma society or MS. How dare they try and be do-gooders and have the audacity to sully the reputation of the marathon!!!
UGH. In the words of Stephanie Tanner (yes I did just throw a Full House reference in), "how rude!" And for all my fellow average runners (who may dare to take a walk step or two during their runs), I will quote one of my favorite Runner's World contributors, John Bingham, and say "waddle on friends, waddle on."

My Sisters

Today is the almost halfway point between two very special days--- Palmer and Emily's birthdays!! My sisters had the good fortune of being born a week apart (well okay 3 years and 53 weeks apart....but you know what I mean). This makes for a fun weeklong stretch of celebrating! Or when we were younger it meant some GREAT birthday parties.
As with most kids when we were little we pretty much had the same set of friends, so Emily and Palmer would have joint birthday parties. I honestly don't know how many children my parents would play host to, but they sure were some good times! No party was complete without a game of "What's Missing" (anyone remember that?) or Dad's magic trick performance, a little Duck Duck Goose, perhaps a rousing game of Kickball, and some Slip n Slide action. Some of the fondest memories of those are my slip n sliding naked at one of Em's parties (i was young okay!!), when Em dropped the entire plate of cupcakes on the floor, and the fire truck birthday.
The Fire Truck birthday..........awwww memories. Perhaps the most talked about birthday in Middletown, when my parents actually got the fire men to come to our house! No no, this was not planned as many children wanted to believe. Mom was making pizza (if I remember right) for everyone to have for lunch. Well the pizza got a tad overcooked, setting off the smoke alarms, which sent out a distress signal, which brought the fire truck to our house. Good times, good times.

Okay, well this post has gotten a little off track since I got immersed in memory land. My point was to honor my sisters for their birthdays. So here goes it: Happy Birthday to two of the best sisters in the entire world! I love you both so much and am so honored to be buffered on both sides by such wonderful women. Although I am slightly jealous that my birthday wasn't so closely aligned to yours, how fun would it have been to have them three weeks in a row??

Palmer first, since your birthday is first: you are the family comedian, you are also a go-getter, dedicated, hard working, loyal, loving, honest, ambitious, talented, athletic, inspiring, creative, smart, warm-hearted..........tall and blonde! Haha had to throw those last two in. You are a tremendous joy to have as a sister, and an inspiration to my lazy butt to stay fit and get fast so that perhaps someday I can run an entire race with you. You sail through the ranks at work because of your dedication and hard work. You have a lot of love and healthy respect for the animals you work for, and they are lucky to have you. There is never a dull moment in life with you, and I truly cherish that. And I miss you so much being way out there in Seattle, but Ainsley and I will be there soon for a visit.

I thought I would throw in a few of my favorite Palmer moments, just because- a little chicken soup for Palmer's soul. :) Cutting off the popples tails, cutting your hair and then trying to reattach it with Crest gel toothpaste, when you injured your jaw and said you didn't want your picture in the newspaper, your ability to create cameras out of McDonald's nugget boxes, our countless hours of driving together to and from the barn and to and from horse shows, spending two weeks together at Brownland-training ourselves the second week!, playing Lonesome Dove around the Breezeway at Lochmoor, riding Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point (after our failed first effort), watching you ride at Junior Finals, seeing Duke win the NCAA Championship game with you, your being one of my two Maids of Honor (and the wonderful shower you and Em threw for me), seeing you with Ainsley, yearbook camp (we are so cool!), our two miles of running together during the Flying Pig this year, and perhaps my all time fave: touring the museums together in Rome when you couldn't see from the sweat pouring into your eyes! Happy birthday once more, I hope 26 is a fabulous year. And I cannot wait to run San Francisco with you.

Emily- the big sis. You are so kind-hearted, family-oriented, loyal, loving, sweet, honest, dedicated, smart, caring, talented, considerate, and indecisive (which is a GOOD thing) because you are waiting for what you really want. :) You have always been a challenge to follow through life because you have set the bar so high on everything, I always had to match your grades and efforts! You have developed an amazing skill set of massage therapy and athletic training. Where would I be without my personal athletic trainer keeping my sore muscles and bones together? I've always felt safe because I've known that you are looking out for me. And I have so enjoyed embarking on our running career together many years ago, and the countless miles we have ran together. You are such a wonderful caregiver, I know the numerous athletes that have had the joy of working with you count themselves lucky to have had you tending to them.

Here are some favorite Emily moments for you: when you got Blitz, being on our first "track" team together (I believe we were 6 and 8? or 8 and 10?), finding Fonzie, all the times you came to my rescue in college, the night you sprained your ankle at Duke and we spent forever in the hospital-- while they wheeled a dead body past you!, our Belmont apartment with Rudy toots, running that path in Durham every Sunday, good times at Looney's with Red and Dunn, Emo (nuf said), seeing you and Jeff Mayne studying together (will NEVER forget that), having you as my other Maid of Honor and the great shower you threw, sharing Ainsley's baptism with you, and running our first full and half marathons together. And I am eternally grateful to you for somehow coaxing me through our second Disneyland half when I pretty much had a monumental collapse at mile 9-- I don't know how you got four more miles out of me! Here's to 30- may it be a wonderful year!

I am sure I have bored the heck out of anyone besides Emily and Palmer who may have read all the way through, but I felt that this was the most opportune time for a fitting tribute to my sisters, whom I love so much. I would not be me without the both of you. So once more, happy birthdays to both of you!

Ainsley and the Boys

One of the highlights of the past few weeks for me has been watching Ainsley play with her cousin Henry. More watching Ainsley with all three of her cousins. She is at that point now where she is really able to watch them and interact (as much as a near 7 month old interacts). And each of them have their own special relationship with her.

William and Pierson are the entertainment- they delight in making her laugh whether that is tickling or talking to her or making funny faces. She reciprocates by screeching at them. We will have to work on our interactions with the opposite sex for the distant distant future! William is programmed to make sure we do not miss any of her firsts--- so much so that he likes for us all to see everything she does all the time. Everytime I hear William start screaming for us to come quick when he is in a room with Ainsley and I am not, my heart drops. Have no fear, he is just delighting in the fact that she has rolled over, spat up, sat up, smiled, or laughed at him. I don't have the heart to tell him that these activities have been a part of her repertoire for a while now.

Pierson is the cuddle bug, he loves to give her kisses and hugs. And really seems to like holding her, with assistance of course. He and William also like to tell me when she 'talks'- according to them she has already mastered the words 'Baby', 'William', 'Pierson', 'encyclopedia', 'supercalifragilisticexpialadocious'......okay I jest on those last two.

However the true highlight is watching her and Henry together. I have included a picture of her with him, however this one is almost two months old now, and their interactions are a lot more advanced now. It is so heart-tickling to watch them sitting side by side playing with a toy. Or more likely, Henry showing Ainsley how to play with the toy. They will alternately put their arms around each other, give each other kisses, or just hold on. Ainsley has figured out that Henry is mobile, so everytime now he tries to crawl away, she grabs his shoulder or his clothing and holds onto him--- leaving poor Henry to look at the nearest adult with the most pleading eyes, begging to be released.
Of course, his being 5 months older than her has not seemed to translate to Ainsley yet, she seems to believe they are equally capable of everything, although I do suspect she is a little frustrated when he crawls off or pulls up. Henry likes to be a little show off for his cousin too, last weekend Ainsley and I sat on the floor of the Murphy's game room while Henry used his walker and motored circles around us. Count both of us awestruck with his ability!

It truly is a ton of fun watching them all interact and develop their own individual relationships with each other. So now, Emily and Palmer, it is time for you all to contribute some more cousins for Ainsley to get to know. :-D I know I cannot wait to see the little beauties you all will have and for them to grow up together as well!

**DISCLAIMER- NEITHER of my sisters are pregnant- I don't want to freak anyone out by thinking that I have let a cat out of the bag! Nor are either planning to become so in the immediate future (at least that I know of)! I am just looking into the years to come, at some point in time...........**

Runner's Block

Whoa I have been remiss in not writing in a while. Oops! Guess life interfered again.

Okay time to vent..............I have a serious case of Runner's Block and it is driving me crazy!!! I am to the point fitness wise where I really don't have any excuses for not putting forth my best effort and being able to conquer each run and feel good about myself. And yet. And yet. And yet...........I keep getting stuck!

Take this morning as a case in point. Yes, it is HOT here in good ole Greensboro, even at 5am when we were starting our run. But it has been hot for a while now, so that doesn't count anymore. I was determined to have a good run, I didn't even wear my watch because I figured I would finish the exact same time as running buddy Courtney so what would be the point of us both timing the same thing?? Good intention, poor execution!

I held up just fine until about halfway through, when that little voice in the back of my head started saying we should reallllllly take a walk break about now. You know that voice, the same one that says we could reallllly use another glass of wine, or we would reallllllllly enjoy another cookie...........yep that one. I guess I need to start shutting that voice up a little more- because there I was, with only 1 mile of running to go, giving in and walking. ARGH! And then, to add insult to injury, I gave in and walked again! Again!!! With only a half mile to go! I mean really legs and brain, you couldn't carry me just a little further??

This all probably wouldn't be upsetting me so much if it wasn't training time! The Nike Women's half is looming-- a little less than 3 months away, so there is no time for excuses. No time to be stymied by some silly mental issue! And trust me, those hills of San Francisco are not going to look any easier than anything I've encountered here in the 'boro, so I better get a move on. Although I am counting on some cooler weather- I certainly hope that San Francisco doesn't decide to have an October extreme heat wave! If that is the case, I will be waving bye bye bye to that PR hope.

So anyway, it is time for me to tell my doubting Thomas that he needs to be quiet and have a little faith........the road to PR-ing awaits me, it is time I get on it.

The Old Couple

My apologies- it's been awhile, but it has been a wildly crazy few weeks.

Just got back from Fourth of July in Charleston with the Neals and Judys--- and like always we had an absolute blast. Ainsley was showered with attention- and they didn't even mind when she discovered and quickly adapted her new trick of SHRIEKING in delight. This only lasted the entire 5 hour car ride home- Chris and Heather, you are saints for putting up with it!

But while we were in Charleston I also came to the realization that Justin and I are officially the "Old Couple." I am sure Heather and Ashley were shocked the first night when after putting Ainsley to bed at 7:30pm, I emerged in my pajamas for the night. Oops- did anyone expect to have wild late night plans because I just squashed them!

I honestly cannot even remember the last time Justin and I stayed out at a bar until 2am, scratch that, the last time we went out to a bar! And I'm not complaining! I love finally embracing my little homebody innerself and lounging on the couch most nights. Of course, we should make an effort to have some late night activities every now and then if we can secure a babysitter, but I really don't miss it at all. One night in Charleston I indulged myself with 3 glasses of wine- and boy did I pay the price the next morning!!!! Whoa, hello hangover, long time no see.

Justin remarked the other night that I was being an extreme night owl- staying up until 11pm. I am surprised my carriage didn't turn into a pumpkin. I guess this "oldness" comes with the baby territory, which is fine. We just have to purchase ourselves some snuggies, fixadent, and get one of those nifty chair lifts for our staircase and then Justin and I will be all set for the next 50 years.

We Be Cruisin'

This one's for you Palmer. ;-)

We just returned from vacation part two, a cruise bookended by visits to Universal Studios and Walt Disney World. Have I mentioned how lucky Justin and I are to have two sets of wonderful parents to take us on such great trips??? And I am proud to say I already have finished all of our laundry and have about 90% of our stuff put away! Peace of mind/house orderliness about restored.

I have been thinking and thinking about the sticking point from the trip to write about and nothing in particular pops up- so you'll have to deal with some random musings instead, sorry!

The cruise we went on was a Disney Cruise, and I think I have realized that I will always be a Disney Kid at heart- cue the "Toys R Us" Theme Song. It is hard not to get wrapped up in the magic of Disney- yes yes I know they are really just out to get as much of our money as possible by convincing us that yes, we really do need a picture of us on every ride we went on at the park-- but they do it with such a warm smile on their face and in such a magical setting that it is hard to resist! Same goes for the cruise ship. The staff is all so genial and welcoming. I did not even break a sweat when one of the servers took Ainsley out of Justin's arms and held her while he went to the buffet! Each staff member called Ainsley "Princess", and we were so tickled when we took her to get her picture with Mickey and Minnie that they took her from our arms and held her on their lap to create one of the sweetest pictures I've ever seen. Once I get a copy from mom and dad's photo cd I will be sure to share. Perhaps I have outgrown some of the fantasy of it all, but now I get to reexperience the wonder of Disney all over again through Ainsley! It was so much fun walking through the parks with her, even though the highlight for her was the balloon we got her at the discount price of $10. :)

I love cruises because you can eat and drink all you want, and as it is all included in the cruise price, it feels like it is free. Sure I will take another mojito. The boat also offered a drink of the day each day, the most divine sweet concoctions of alcohol ever- although I had to abstain most of the time. This cruise experience was much different from when we went two years ago (when Justin and I got engaged). Last time we were in the bars every night, this time we were asleep by 10, but that is all right. Regardless, I still got to spend my fair share of time at Bingo- perhaps the world's greatest game ever invented! And although I failed to win, despite having the electronic game card which plays a whopping 24 (or was it 48?) cards at one time, it was still a good time.

I also safely survived our jetskiing outing. Last time Justin decided to be a whirling dervish on water, sending us careening what seemed like sideways and backwards over the waves- and eventually depositing us into the water. This time was much more subdued but equally fun. And after seeing a nurse shark swim by us while we were standing in knee deep water, I was all the more thankful that we managed to stay aboard the ski this time.

It was also great getting to spend time with my family--- have to say the trip was a success as there were no fights, no disagreements, and no threats of going home early (as was the case last year.) Who knew vacations could be volatile? I can honestly say I enjoyed every moment of the trip, even running the 5K on Disney's private island in the 90 degree heat coupled with 95% humidity. Talk about hot! Running through the Disney island was still so much fun, it took my mind off the misery of the situation. Perhaps this is why the Disney Marathon will always be my personal favorite....how can you be unhappy or suffer when you are at Disney World??? (yes this is a rhetorical question)

Disembarking the ship on Friday was a little sad- I was certainly tempted to stowaway in our closet. But the real world beckons, and so back to work I go, hi-ho, hi-ho.

Baptist Hematology

Quick backstory- for those of you who don't know, Ainsley and I both have spherocytosis (as do my two sisters and my dad). This is nothing too serious, just a blood disorder which can sometimes cause anemia and weakens your immune system. Worst case scenario: she may have to have her spleen removed later in life (which the four of us have had done without any issues).

Anyway, because of this, we have had to make two trips to Wake Forest Baptist Hospital to see a hematologist so that they can run a few tests on her and just keep an eye on her overall health. So far, knock on wood, she is a healthy baby girl.

However, being there each time makes me thank God for her health and appreciate her all the more. We have seen several young children in the hematology ward who appear to have some form of cancer, and it is heartbreaking. Yesterday a family with a young son came out of the office ahead of us and the mother was in tears. I can only imagine the dreadful news that had been given to them.

My heart goes out to any and all families who have sick loved ones, especially those where the loved one is a young child. I cannot imagine looking at your child and not knowing how much more time you have to spend with them, being unsure of what kind of future they can look forward to, or how much of a future.

Justin and I are reminded on these trips how extremely lucky we are so far for our healthy child, and pray that she may remain so. May we never take her health and happiness for granted, and remember in even the tougher moments that things could always be worse.

Blocked Ambition

I read two things the other day in my current reading material of choice, "Runner's World" (online and in print) that really stuck with me. Well actually just about everything I read in there sticks with me- and leaves me ridiculously motivated for about a week to add something new to my running routine, until I realize how exhausting that something new is. Regardless, it got me thinking and what better place to share those thoughts than here......

1- One contributor was talking about his running goals and his wife told him to "stop stereotyping yourself as the slow guy"- for that she felt was what was holding him back. I don't know that that is necessarily holding me back, but it got me thinking about the need to believe in myself. Running is a mental game as much as a physical one. If you think you can't, you won't. I've seen that marathon wall- and it is big, mean, and ugly, but it is all entirely in your head, a runner's writer's block. If you can think/motivate/encourage your way around it, you'll be fine.

Which leads to the second point.........from the highlighted runner of the week talking about his long-term running goals, one of which is qualifying for Boston. He says:
2- "On paper, it looks like I'm a lot further away than my heart tells me I am." I have mentioned to several people that I would like to qualify for the Boston Marathon- if just once- even if it doesn't happen until I am in my fifties or sixties (when the qualifying time becomes a lot more attainable.) Let me rephrase that- the qualifying time for that age becomes what seems a lot more attainable to me at my current age- at that point it will probably seem as difficult as the requisite 3:40 I need to run at 27 seems now. One look at my current Marathon PR- 5:19, and you can see why that quote sticks with me so much, and why I feel like my making that statement to people who know me probably leads them to roll their eyes!
I guess the frustrating thing with running is that there can be so many buts, ands, ifs, and yets. My PR is from my first marathon; the second time I attempted 26.2 I had an injury prone and ice cream packed training period, and tried to cram 4 months of quality training into about a 6-week period on a frame carrying about 20 extra pounds- NOT RECOMMENDED!!! I walked a GOOD portion of that one. The third time, I had set myself up for success- trained with Team In Training, did every run, every distance, was healthy, and fit. Unfortunately, the Nashville weather gods were not in on the plan- greeting me on race day with 70+ temperatures at the start and moving quickly into the 80s- while we runners negotiated rolling hills on entirely unshaded streets! It was a lot of fun, but not my finest performance- yet a run I intentionally slowed knowing that if I didn't I would be joining those many runners being scooped up in ambulances I passed along the course. It also turned out I was in the early stages of pregnancy, so it looks like I made the wise choice for sure that day. (as I said so many ifs, ands, buts- I'm still making excuses for those races from the past few years!)

So now I take up the challenge again, a mom now, where my running time is more limited, which means that I have to make every run count, and not short myself. For so long I was content with my ten-minute mile pace, not pushing anymore than necessary, being happy to just finish. That is the best way to start with running, getting the job done. Now that I have 6 years of running off and on under my belt, and many races of varying distances behind me, it is time to push a bit more. I'm the little runner that could. I know that for me to do a 3:40 in a future marathon (and I am not talking my very next try at the distance- scheduled for this January) but sometime in the future- that I would have to run 8:23s the whole way! I know it will take a LOT of effort, pushing from step one of the race to the end, and that all the conditions would need to be JUST right, but a girl can dream right??

Okay, I have gotten a little off track. The two quotes I mentioned earlier hit home to me because as I am setting this ridiculously daunting goal for myself, there is that little voice inside my head that says you are insane, this can never happen. Time for me to stop thinking of myself as that slow runner. I have been consistently training between a 7:45 and 8:15 pace, albeit not for 20+ miles, but I know I have it in me to get there. It may take years to build up the endurance to keep it up for that long, but that is a step I am committing myself to take. And yes, on paper, it certainly looks like speeding up by an hour and 40 minutes is next to impossible, and perhaps it is, but deep down it just might be doable. I just need to think myself fast.

Step one- conquer the mind game. There is nothing I hate more than finishing a run, and thinking if I hadn't walked here, or if I had talked myself through it here, I could've done better. There are too many points in a run of any length when that little naysayer in me starts doubting my body and legs- yet everytime I manage to run through it, I amaze myself at how much I am able to do and how easily!

So I'm putting it out there- I will qualify for Boston, if just once in my life, even if it takes me ten, twenty more years. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Time Flies and other Beach Thoughts

Well our first beach trip is over. It was so fast, I can hardly believe it even happened, although one look at Justin's tomato red stomach reminds me that yes, it was real. After 28 years, you'd think he would figure out how to properly use sunscreen. :)
Amazing how the buildup and waiting for vacation feels like an eternity, and then once you get there it feels like it is over before it began. Regardless, we had a wonderful time at Holden Beach and I must admit my packing was successful- at least for Ainsley- next time I am taking a supply of loungewear and that is it!

While there, Ainsley continued to master the art of sitting up. Watching her, I just want to yell at Father Time to SLOW DOWN! She, on the other hand, cannot learn things fast enough! Having watched her 5 months older cousin all week, her mind seems filled with ideas and thoughts and new activities that she wants to accomplish. The instant we got home, and I laid her down on her back to play- something she normally is happy to do for a little while, she immediately flipped herself to her stomach, and then proceeded to let out the most pathetic cries of frustration as she tried (unsuccessfully as of now) to get her legs under her and crawl. While nursing now, she likes to sit up and face me, so that when she takes breaks she can look fully around the room. I feel like at this rate she will be speaking in full sentences and driving before the year is over!
Other than that, the beach was great. We spent quality time with the Hammocks and Murphys, filling our days with watching the little kiddies, continuously lathering and then unlathering the babies in suntan lotion, and binge eating. For some reason, my body deemed it necessary to have a snack about every fifteen minutes, it is a miracle I fit into my clothes to come home! I guess that was countered by some great runs on the beach- one of my favorite things to do. Although while a much more enjoyable locale to run in, the beach is also A LOT harder on your legs!
And let it be noted that with babies and the beach, you truly learn how sand manages to get absolutely everywhere- even when said baby does not leave the shaded 6x6 towel you have set up for her. Ainsley went from one bath every few days to twice daily!

So now we have a few days to heal Justin's skin, recover from our beach colds (whodathunk) and repack everything for round two.

Babies do not Travel Lite

We are getting ready for two family vacations back-to-back. A week long visit to Holden Beach with the Hammocks and Murphys (leaving TOMORROW--so excited and so stressed at the same time!!!!), a five day respite at home, and then a week long trip with my family on a boat. A program the cruise offers is called Babies Travel Lite- an ingenious idea that provides you with diapers, wipes, baby food, etc. in your state room......but with or without that option, there is still a TREMENDOUS amount of stuff to take.

I think we would be best off if there was some way to encapsulate our entire house in a suitcase. Justin and I should seriously consider buying our own semi-truck just for future road trips.......and this with one baby! Each day, my carefully thought out list adds ten items to each one item I am able to cross off. All scenarios must be thought out and anticipated, from the realistic to the absurd........
What if Ainsley's daily diaper consumption grossly multiplies? Better pack enough diapers to provide for four infants.
With our daughter's predilection for spit up, we always have three extra outfits on standby each day, and sadly we have often times surpassed this number! Best if I just pack her whole closet.
What if the North Carolina weather takes a sudden turn for the worse and we experience snow at the beach? Better pack her snow suit just in case.
What if Ainsley decides that she is going to skip crawling and go straight to walking, or has a sudden growth spurt? Better take the 12 month clothes and some shoes to be prepared.

Ok ok I jest, but I think I have made my point.

Deep down I just know every item that I scrimp on and decide not to pack, we will find ourselves in need of. The cruise packing list is probably going to end up just as long-and we have to get on a plane! And of course being new parents, we probably severely overestimate our needs--- last week's conundrum- do we take the travel system, jogger and umbrella strollers??? (Don't laugh, Justin and I actually had a prolonged discussion about this)
The same can be said for our own needs. During our recent last minute prepare for the beach shopping trip, I almost conceeded to buying a box of cereal- mind you cereal that I haven't eaten in over two years, but perhaps this would be the week that I eschewed my customary bagel and took cereal up again.

In the end, I hope that we will use our heads and manage to reduce our items to only the essentials, but a heads up to anyone heading to the North Carolina beaches this weekend............if you spot a blue Tahoe with a U-haul, a trailer, and a roof overflowing with items, don't be afraid to wave hello to us!

Confessions of a Crackberry Addict

I am ashamed to admit that I have become one of those people I never thought I would be, a Crackberry Addict. I don't know when it happened exactly, but I now cling to that silly phone like it is my personal life preserver, and if I let it go I might sink into the depths of obscurity- or more realistically for the briefest moment become disconnected from the world. Oh shudder at the thought!
How did I ever survive with a regular old cell phone? Now, every time I see that little red light blinking, I rush to my phone, heart rushing that I might be a minute late in reading my newest email or responding to a text. Pathetic I know.
At night now, while we are watching tv and winding down for the evening, Justin and I both spend half of our time fiddling with our phones, checking the internet, reading and returning emails, following Facebook activity.
What has happened to me? Why do I all of a sudden feel the need to be so connected all the time? Oh that I may find the strength to ignore that satanic red light for just a few moments each day...................
I will boldly state it here, next phone I get, I am going back to a basic one, in hopes that I might encourage myself to get some me time back!!!!!!

Amazing Ainsley

I don't want to look like a bad mother and not mention my daughter in a post! I am sure if I can keep this up she will be the star of many of these.
Too keep it quick as it is nearing my witching hour....................I love my baby girl. I had been told many times while pregnant that motherhood would change my life, and it is most certainly true. I fell in love the day she was born, and she never ceases to amaze, entertain, and enthrall me.

Today she mastered sitting up...............where oh where has my newborn gone? It is as if she just disappeared one night and a BABY replaced her. I actually broke down and almost cried the other day when she went to bed on just four feedings rather than her normal five, she doesn't need me as much anymore and it is slowly breaking my heart! How in the world am I going to manage when she is a teenager???? Don't tell her, but for the first few weeks of her sleeping 12 hours at night, I actually missed her and my 3am facebook surfing.

This weekend she was baptized- and I couldn't help but feel goosebumps standing up on the altar with my baby girl having her welcomed into the Catholic Community by the entire church. I hope she will find in her faith some answers and comfort throughout her life.

My wish for her is that she always knows how truly she is loved, and that her Dad and I will always be there for her. She is blessed with an amazing extended family- from first cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents- she is a VERY loved and treasured child and I hope we succeed in letting her know that every day.

To finish up---- Ainsley, to quote your book we have read many times at night- "when you are sad, I will hold you, I will let you cry. When you are sick, I will sit by your bed quietly watching in case you should want something...when you are lonely I will show up at your doorstep with my heart in a basket. I will whisper 'I love you' until your loneliness grows wings and flies off...when you are afraid I will take your hand and not let go except to borrow stars to spell out the words 'you are safe', they will shine above you forever, even in the darkest dark. When you are grumpy I will make you giggle. When you are lost I will search for you...and when you are happy, OH when you are happy."

This book makes me cry every time I read it for her, "When You Are Happy" by Eileen Spinelli, but I cannot find a truer expression of the love I feel for this child (or the love of any parent for their child). I will go to the ends of the world for her, and may I prove that to her on a daily basis.

Run Courtney Run

Okay- new to this blog thing, but I have been fighting the urge to write for a while now.............

Recently my sister Palmer and I signed up for the Nike Women's Marathon. One most likely trivial part of the registration was answering the question, 'why do you run'. Off the top of my head, I answered something so generic and boring I cannot even remember now what it was. Fortunately the powers that be at Nike didn't deem that answer too important in their decision making process as to who got in, and thus we for the first time made it into the run. Now the countdown is on until October.

My point actually being though that it got me thinking........why do I run? And now that I have the time to actually ponder this question, the answers come spilling out of my mind faster than I can seriously contemplate each of them. So here goes it.

I run......because I can. I do not want to be one of those people who have resorted to couch potato-ism. I do not want to wake up one day and decide I would like to go for a jog only to find it so excruciatingly difficult that I cannot muster one step. But also, I am fortunate to be in decent enough health, fit enough, and fully mobile. There are numerous people out there who could never and will never be able to run because of some physical handicap, and perhaps deep down a part of me runs for them.

I run......because I love how it makes me feel- during and after. Even now, as I struggle to get this post-child-bearing body back into its former shape, a body which if you ask me at any given time during the day I will tell you "I am working on" and sigh in frustration at in the mirror, I can still appreciate its beauty and strength when I run. When I run, those last ten pregnancy pounds seem to magically disappear. I recognize my body for the tough cookie it is, marvel at the actual strength it has, the ability to conquer just about anything. For that hour or so that I run, I forget about that bit of flab. And after I finish running, although deep down I know I'm not quite there, I feel about as beautiful and fit as a supermodel!

I run......to clear my head, to repress if only for a little bit those stresses and frustrations of the day. Perhaps I take those out on the pavement, or my poor knees, but I often find that when I am done running I may not be able to remember what I thought about while I was running, or what I talked to someone about during it, but either way I am a lot more carefree.

I run......for the camaraderie. My running partners have changed over the years, but I always feel that there is a bond established between runners that cannot be put into words, but that means a lot. No matter how trivial the conversation, your running partner is your 'brother/sister in arms', and every distance seems a lot easier, each hill a little smaller when you have someone matching you step for step. Oftentimes, we don't even need to say anything at all, our labored breathing reminding each other that we are there, we are not alone.

I run for social reasons. Running is perhaps my biggest thing in common with several of my friends anymore. They can understand your excitement at having a new PR at a 10K, or the thrill and exhaustion of finishing a punishing 20 mile training run. Names of races are dropped like celebrities amongst runners--- you want to run Boston, or just entered Owl's Roost............I have even made several temporary friends during races, striking up conversations with those runners who have been hovering near you the entire race, whose pace just seems to match up well with yours, who seem to be able to use a little friendly conversation to get them those last few miles.

And now I run for my daughter. I want to be there for her for as long as possible, and I know that my being healthy helps those chances. But I also want to show her that running can be fun. I remember growing up dreading the mile for the Physical Fitness tests, now a mile is just the start to my run, 1/26th of a marathon. If her watching me run can inspire her to take it up, wonderful, if not, then so be it. I will not force her to join me, but I relish the possibility that years down the road, maybe, just maybe she will lace up her running shoes and take to the pavement with me early in the morning, her youth and energy pushing my old body to go just a little faster, a little further. I eagerly look forward to those conversations we may have, and sharing many miles with her.

Needless to say, I think anymore I'd be lost without running. Nike: I run to run, and I will see you in San Francisco.