Blocked Ambition

I read two things the other day in my current reading material of choice, "Runner's World" (online and in print) that really stuck with me. Well actually just about everything I read in there sticks with me- and leaves me ridiculously motivated for about a week to add something new to my running routine, until I realize how exhausting that something new is. Regardless, it got me thinking and what better place to share those thoughts than here......

1- One contributor was talking about his running goals and his wife told him to "stop stereotyping yourself as the slow guy"- for that she felt was what was holding him back. I don't know that that is necessarily holding me back, but it got me thinking about the need to believe in myself. Running is a mental game as much as a physical one. If you think you can't, you won't. I've seen that marathon wall- and it is big, mean, and ugly, but it is all entirely in your head, a runner's writer's block. If you can think/motivate/encourage your way around it, you'll be fine.

Which leads to the second point.........from the highlighted runner of the week talking about his long-term running goals, one of which is qualifying for Boston. He says:
2- "On paper, it looks like I'm a lot further away than my heart tells me I am." I have mentioned to several people that I would like to qualify for the Boston Marathon- if just once- even if it doesn't happen until I am in my fifties or sixties (when the qualifying time becomes a lot more attainable.) Let me rephrase that- the qualifying time for that age becomes what seems a lot more attainable to me at my current age- at that point it will probably seem as difficult as the requisite 3:40 I need to run at 27 seems now. One look at my current Marathon PR- 5:19, and you can see why that quote sticks with me so much, and why I feel like my making that statement to people who know me probably leads them to roll their eyes!
I guess the frustrating thing with running is that there can be so many buts, ands, ifs, and yets. My PR is from my first marathon; the second time I attempted 26.2 I had an injury prone and ice cream packed training period, and tried to cram 4 months of quality training into about a 6-week period on a frame carrying about 20 extra pounds- NOT RECOMMENDED!!! I walked a GOOD portion of that one. The third time, I had set myself up for success- trained with Team In Training, did every run, every distance, was healthy, and fit. Unfortunately, the Nashville weather gods were not in on the plan- greeting me on race day with 70+ temperatures at the start and moving quickly into the 80s- while we runners negotiated rolling hills on entirely unshaded streets! It was a lot of fun, but not my finest performance- yet a run I intentionally slowed knowing that if I didn't I would be joining those many runners being scooped up in ambulances I passed along the course. It also turned out I was in the early stages of pregnancy, so it looks like I made the wise choice for sure that day. (as I said so many ifs, ands, buts- I'm still making excuses for those races from the past few years!)

So now I take up the challenge again, a mom now, where my running time is more limited, which means that I have to make every run count, and not short myself. For so long I was content with my ten-minute mile pace, not pushing anymore than necessary, being happy to just finish. That is the best way to start with running, getting the job done. Now that I have 6 years of running off and on under my belt, and many races of varying distances behind me, it is time to push a bit more. I'm the little runner that could. I know that for me to do a 3:40 in a future marathon (and I am not talking my very next try at the distance- scheduled for this January) but sometime in the future- that I would have to run 8:23s the whole way! I know it will take a LOT of effort, pushing from step one of the race to the end, and that all the conditions would need to be JUST right, but a girl can dream right??

Okay, I have gotten a little off track. The two quotes I mentioned earlier hit home to me because as I am setting this ridiculously daunting goal for myself, there is that little voice inside my head that says you are insane, this can never happen. Time for me to stop thinking of myself as that slow runner. I have been consistently training between a 7:45 and 8:15 pace, albeit not for 20+ miles, but I know I have it in me to get there. It may take years to build up the endurance to keep it up for that long, but that is a step I am committing myself to take. And yes, on paper, it certainly looks like speeding up by an hour and 40 minutes is next to impossible, and perhaps it is, but deep down it just might be doable. I just need to think myself fast.

Step one- conquer the mind game. There is nothing I hate more than finishing a run, and thinking if I hadn't walked here, or if I had talked myself through it here, I could've done better. There are too many points in a run of any length when that little naysayer in me starts doubting my body and legs- yet everytime I manage to run through it, I amaze myself at how much I am able to do and how easily!

So I'm putting it out there- I will qualify for Boston, if just once in my life, even if it takes me ten, twenty more years. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.